Alcohol is a part of most relationships. It can be there when we’re toasting success, it’s often there after a stressful day at work or a rough day. In fact, for many it can be a nightly glass of wine in front of the television.

However, it can also be a real problem in relationships, whether it be for both people in a relationship or perhaps just for your partner, in which case you have to be really careful on how you deal with the situation. Loving someone with alcohol addiction can be difficult, painful and confusing and while you’ll find yourself trying to help, you may end up enabling their addiction rather than taking them towards the help they need.

We find ourselves making excuses for their behaviour or covering up mistakes rather than encouraging them to get treatment and go through alcohol rehab recovery. But how exactly do you know your behaviour is enabling rather than providing them with the real help you need?

Here are five signs that could suggest you need to change your approach to ensure their relationship with alcohol is either healthy, or non-existent…

You Make Excuses for Their Behaviour

If you frequently find yourself justifying your partner’s drinking or covering for them when they let people down, it could be a sign you’re enabling. This might include calling in sick on their behalf, blaming their behaviour on stress or tiredness, or laughing off incidents that are actually serious.

While it might feel like you’re protecting them (or your relationship) you’re also protecting them from the reality of their actions. Facing the natural consequences of drinking is often what leads someone to recognise they need help.

You Take On Their Responsibilities

When someone is drinking heavily, their ability to handle everyday life often suffers. If you’re regularly picking up the slack, paying bills they’ve neglected, managing their work or social obligations, or taking care of the household entirely on your own, it may be time to pause and reflect.

Doing everything for them might seem helpful in the moment, but it also shields them from the impact of their drinking. Taking on too much can also leave you emotionally and physically drained, leading to resentment and burnout.

You Avoid Talking About the Problem

Confronting a loved one about their drinking can be daunting. You might worry they’ll get angry, shut down, or accuse you of nagging. As a result, you may find yourself walking on eggshells, avoiding the topic altogether to keep the peace.

But silence often allows the problem to grow unchecked. Open, honest conversations, though uncomfortable, are essential for encouraging change. If you’re afraid to speak up, or feel you’ve tried and failed, it may be time to seek outside support to help you approach the issue safely and effectively.

You Believe You Can “Fix” Them

It’s natural to want to help the person you love. You may believe that if you support them enough, love them enough, or create the “perfect” environment, they’ll finally stop drinking. This belief, though deeply human, places an unfair burden on your shoulders.

The truth is, recovery has to be their choice. You can encourage, support, and set boundaries, but you cannot force change, no matter how hard you try. Letting go of the need to fix them is an important and freeing step.

You Minimise How Much It’s Affecting You

Living with a partner who has an alcohol addiction can take a serious toll on your mental, emotional, and physical health. If you’re constantly telling yourself “it’s not that bad,” or comparing their drinking to others to justify it, you may be minimising the harm it’s doing to you.

Your wellbeing matters. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and supported in your relationship. Recognising that your needs are not being met is not selfish, it’s necessary.

If you find that any of the above sounds familiar, it could be just what you need to open the door to change. It’s not about abandoning your partner, but rather helping them take responsibility for their actions and their condition, and make the space for them to get the treatment and help they need.

You don’t have to do that alone, you can reach out to professionals in the space, you can help you reach out to your partner and provide the information they need to seek help.